Today I'm exactly 7 months pregnant, need I say more about changes. Not only is my body swelling in areas I never knew could do that, and my feet and back hurt all day, but my marriage is changing too.
I find myself falling in love with Diego even more than on our honeymoon. I know you always here people say this but maybe that's why you hear it so much. Once it happens to you it's the greatest phenomenon. I find myself waking up and making an effort to roll over, which is a challenge in itself these days, just to look at his face. The face that holds so many roles in my life now. Diego isn't just my husband, he's my playmate, my provider, my shoulder to cry on and knee to slap when he makes me laugh so hard I vomit (really happened by the way.) Now add to all those things, he is now my little girls daddy. This is something I have never felt before, this kind of love, not only for my daughter growing and kicking me, but the new love I have with Diego. It's really true what they say that "love is not romantic, although it can be, but it's a commitment." I think I love Diego even more because I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is committed to this marriage and now this FAMILY. I guess this love grows when there is true trust and security, not only in each other but in Jesus Christ. Diego has really been an example of Chirsts love for me and Lola. Yes, he has never sacrificed his life physically for me, but in his daily actions I feel that he does. He goes to work everyday, without complaint of the long hours he works, he is more patient with me than I deserve, he makes an effort to kiss me passionately, he touches me, and is happy to hold my hand. He paints a nursery for his daughter and does it thoroughly even though he loathes painting rooms. He always encourages me, in my life, my spiritual walk with the Lord, and in my new role as mother coming up. During the emotional days he is the only person who can make me genuinely laugh out loud. He is the only person, besides my parents, I feel doesn't judge me or have conditional love.
It's having a man like this that makes submission so much easier. Not that submission is ever easy, but I couldn't imagine living with a man that I don't trust with my life. That's what makes it easier, knowing that he has my best interest at heart. This is something else that has been changing, maybe not so outwardly obvious at my baby and my marriage directly. But God has really been showing me and speaking to me through many forums about submission and having a "gentle spirit." I think these are two of the hardest things for me to understand for one and second to try to live out daily. These two direct commands given to woman from the Bible are in complete contradiction to what everyone else is telling us. We are being told that woman have to be loud, not in our voices, but in our actions, clothes, our career choices and we have to be louder most of all over our "incompetent" husbands. I feel woman are being taught that it's our job to raise our husbands along with our children. This is not the case, the direction we give our children is completely different than how we consult with our husbands on issues or ideas. Sure woman have been given a great deal of wisdom and intuition, but is that to supersede our husbands or to bring balance and understanding into a family. God gave woman intuition and trust from the husbands so he, the man, can do what God has asked of him and know that his wife is helping him take care of business. He couldn't do all that if he had the same brain and thoughts that a woman has and visa versa. We could try but we won't be able to do it all and do it well. This is what makes us natural helpers, we were born to help, born to submit. If you can't submit to the man God has put over your house, that can physically love you and give you what you need, how can you submit to God Himself. I think this is where the real frustration comes in submission, because if you are married to a godly man than by submitting to him you are submitting to God. The reason sometimes its hard for me, is because I know Diego's right and that he's speaking truth, but I feel the rebellion well up in me. Now why would I feel that kind of strong emotion if I was just declining to submit to a human? Why would I be so torn, or just so angry I don't care what I look or sound like? Could it be that I'm not rebelling against Diego and his plan for our family? Or is it that God is the real voice speaking and I just don't want to hear it right now? "lalalalalala" Submission isn't a Biblical word for door mat, I know woman who aren't submissive and are door mats. Submission is another God given role to act out, and the more you listen to and understand your hubby odds are the more you'll be able to listen to and understand your Daddy. That's why He gave us relationships to reflect His love for us to each other.
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