I feel misunderstood, misheard and hurt. I feel like I'm alone, alone and pregnant is a very scary feeling. I want to be understood. Why is it my mom is the only that can validate my feelings, and not make me feel like I'm crazy or over-reacting? Why can't people see me for who I am? That I'm really just a woman that wants to feel safe, especially in my own home. I'm a woman who needs to voice my feelings without them being judged and srutinized. I feel alone and sad. I feel lost and like no one can help me. I feel like I'm being asked to cut off my right arm and be happy about it. I feel like he doesn't understand what I'm really going through and how deep other peoples words cut me. I'm a compassionate person, who loves love, and people take advantage of this know they can say what they want with no reprucusions. I don't bother standing up for myself because I feel I have no voice when they are around, my breath is just a light wind coming and going, moving without making noise or making a difference in how you view me. I'm prone to running, but I can't anymore, I've grown up to much to use that as an excuse. Oh how I wish I could though. I'm confused about why everyone else isn't confused. Why can a husband and wife, love so much but not hear the same conversations? Why can't we both hear the same explanations? Why is this thing called life so hard, that crying with all your strength is the easiest thing sometimes? How can I be so lost, confused, feel so alone, when with me all the time is my daughter? I pray for her and that she doesn't have this struggle like I do. I pray that she will always be confident and not let others words make her second guess herself. I pray that she will listen with a grain of salt to those her spirit questions, and not question her spirit. I pray that she will have clarity of her mind, and understand the important things in life.
God this is my prayer for me, not as a wife, not as a mother, but me as Your daughter.
Help! I need Your help right now! I feel so lost in my own mind, I feel like I'm alone. I know it's Satan coming down on me because we are starting a family. But I feel weak, please be my strength... I have nothing left to fight with. I feel like my weapons were stollen and I have to make new ones from scratch. I need Your help! I need Your rod and staff to comfort me right now. I'm so weak, emotionally, physicaly, and spiritually I'm drained. I feel like I don't have a lot to give You right now. I want to give you so much but I feel like it's not worth anything anymore. I feel alone. I feel like Diego wants to understand, but I don't know how to explain my deep hurt and fears right now. I don't want to leave him out of this, help me to communicate and help his ears to listen with his spirit. I want to feel free again, I want to be apart of a church family that loves me for who I am not what they think they can get out of me. I want to feel like I belong, and right now I feel like the only place I belong is home. JESUS! Help me! I feel like a little girl lost in the woods, waiting for the wolf to jump out from behind the trees and drag me down. JESUS! Yours is the only name that brings me peace. Give me the strength to be the woman You created me to be. The one You want me to become. Give me dove eyes that see only You and Your will, not mine and not others will be done, but Yours oh Lord is the will I crave. Your desires are the ones I thirst for more than riches and fine linen. You are the one I NEED at this flat line moment. JESUS! Help me! Give me wisdom is making descions, and in honoring Diegos when he makes them for us. Please dry these tears that are making cracks in my skin, dry the tears in my soul that are making my spirit crack and bleed. Seal up my heart, mind, body, soul and spirit. Seal them with a righteous kiss from Your lips.
AMEN.
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